Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Mind-bender



Raghav found him piled up at his doorstep, as he stepped out to pick up milk one chilly morning. He slammed the door shut in half an instant. A hundred thoughts started racing through his mind as randomly as the bees that have been forced out of a broken beehive.


Standing with his back still glued the door, he sensed a queasy feeling creeping up to his chest. His heart was thumping right into his throat, his mouth dry, breathing heavily, his arms trembling and knees suddenly gone weak. He barely managed to hold himself up as he stumbled onto the cold floor below his bare feet. 


A quick glance into the peephole and he was sure it was Arya. There was no mistaking those same tiny hands that clenched tight at the slightest exposure to cold, lovely long eyelashes – a tad too big for his small face, cheeks flushed with the redness of a dozen roses and pink lips that pursed while he slept – just like now. And wait. Wasn’t he wearing his favorite shirt – the plain white one with tiny blue and red checks only at the collar and cuffs? 


Raghav panicked. He could not understand this. How could Arya be here? Tears streamed down his cheeks as his mind raced to the day Arya was born – as he lifted into his arms the fruit of his loin, his own blood. Glimpses of Arya’s childhood flashed in front of his eyes – one after another in an endless current that he couldn’t interrupt. It all ended in a sudden, frightening shriek. The listless body of a drowned child floated on the surface of the pool. Raghav shuddered as he opened the door once again. A lonely bottle of milk was all that stood there.

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This post is in response to the Trifecta Writing Challenge - Week Seventy-Six.

18 comments:

Björn said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Wonderful story and mystique. Wonder what's really happened.

September Dreams said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Thanks Björn. It's a 'mind-bender' for Raghav.. He's hallucinating :)

Shreya said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

nice one ... hallucinations and all !

jannatwrites said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

This was a captivating read. The hallucinations make me wonder where is son is, and what emotional conflict Raghav might be having with his son.

Lyssa Medana said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

That description is so beautiful and so sad. LM x

lovethebadguy said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

This was haunting and sad, but beautifully written. Nicely done.

September Dreams said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Thanks Shreya. Hope you enjoyed it.

September Dreams said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Wow Yanna, am glad this got you thinking like this :)
Hope to carry it further. Thanks for the comment.

September Dreams said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Thanks for reading Lyssa :)

September Dreams said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Am glad you liked it :)

Tom MacInnes said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Hallucinations often have some basis in incidents from one's past and/or from on-going medical conditions. In either case, your main character is in some form of distress. Is it the guilt of a child in a pool or is it something else? It is the mark of a good writer that we, as readers, don't have a clear answer right away and are left to infer, from your clues, what the real mystery is. Good work. Well done. Thanks for sharing your work with us. :)

September Dreams said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Thanks Tom, this is by far the best comment I got for my writing here :)
And from your analysis of hallucinations, you seemed to have dug deep into the crux of my story. Am glad.

Draug said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Very cool.

September Dreams said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Thanks Draug.

Trifecta said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

So cool. I recently read Oliver Sacks' Hallucinations. This could fit right in there. I loved the ethereal, dream-like feel to this piece and then the sudden shock at the end. So sad. Thanks for linking up!!

Atreyee said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Scary & mysterious!Wonder what is going to happen next?:-)

September Dreams said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Thank you :)
Am glad you liked it.

September Dreams said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Thanks Atreyee. I do plan to complete this. Hopefully very soon :)